Predictably fell into my age-old pattern: Fall in love with a woman, become let down, become sad.
And resentful.
And angry.
I dunno.
I wrote a letter to end it. And possibly the only time I've taken the high road in my life.
Regardless, it came out decent. And I feel like I shouldn't forget this, or what I've been through.
____________________________________________
Dear ______,
I can't do this anymore. I truly cannot continue this constant roller coaster of extreme happiness followed by darkest sorrows.
I'm not arguing what happened or why we're at this point, I just can't deal with the inevitable outcomes. You are so much like a drug: You're the sole source of my most euphoric highs, then almost predictably you cause me to sink into my most abysmal lows.
You've also betrayed me on a level I hadn't experienced in a long long time. In all honesty, I've done more for you than any other person in my life, because I cared about you. I wanted you happy. I loved you. My only crime against you was a mild careless remark that you seemed fit to blow out of proportion. Even after all the remorse and apologizing, you didn't budge. I'm not arguing your reasons for being mad, but I feel doing so much for you entitles me to at least one instance of forgiveness. Its as if, once again, I'm being taught not to do anything for others, as they'll inevitably take advantage of me.
That being said, I can't talk to you. If we did, we'd end up arguing, having sex, then the cycle starts again. I can't let it continue. I can't do it anymore. I don't have the strength to keep going.
Please don't reply, I promise I won't read the response.
Deep down, I do hope things work out for you and your family. You're very lucky to have such great children.
_______, meeting and being with you was such a great point in my life, and sometimes the darkest. I don't hate you.
Sometimes I wish I did.
Goodbye.
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As usual, I regret publishing this.
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