I alread peaked.

I truly think I peaked. My sexual conquests were the stuff of young boys' fantasies. I had a gorgeous red Mustang with racing stripes. I was going to a prestigious university and a well-paying job. For a brief moment, I had it all.

Gone now, all of it, and I've come to terms with it. It dawned on me while I was sitting here, in my barn alone drinking and smoking, feeling old. All I have left is my job. A peon's job that I toil at every night.

After a peak comes a crash, and I definitely had that. Literally and metaphorically. I've recently been flooded with ideas of being a failure and thoughts of low self-worth. Its to be expected after having everything good taken away.

I've been told "I'm not meant to take the normal path" and I'm "too intelligent to not be in school." I wish I could believe those things. Maybe they're true. Most likely they aren't. 

Am I failure or am I simply giving up?

Dunno. We'll see.